The 11th Commandment...

This is a fictional story. Rather a long story but of course not a novel because a novel got a plot, a beginning, and end but this is just an excerpt from a guy’s life, a fictional character that resembles you and me. Things that happen in one’s life, so common, that one fails to notice it. It’s about one’s confusion, his belief, his priorities, his sentiments, his interests, his love and above all his life. It’s so spontaneous that people hardly keep track of it but there comes a moment in everybody’s life when he wishes to turn back time and set things right. Thus he wants to capture this moment and cherish them for ever.
Gregory Bernard’s just an average guy, born and brought up in the suburbs, working as in a corporate interior decorator and real estate firm in the cities. Still single he never thought of getting married but anticipated for the right kind of companion which he had crafted out of his numerous dreams and fantasies.
Just like every day he reached his office only to find himself required to meet a potential client who required restructuring of their office. So, he started off for the client site and reached there a little early. He was asked to wait at the manager’s chamber while the manager arrives. While seated at the manager’s cabin, he looked out to the staff area. It was an old fashioned building probably dated back from the 60’s. Drawers arranged in rows with cabinets forming the dividers. There were no demarcations as prominent in the more recent designs came with the IT revolution, i.e. the presence of cubicles and quadrants. So, Greg sensed a good deal of business in here. While his eyes were scanning and planning for possibilities suddenly his eyes fell on this girl with specs. She was just this average Latin girl but some how he felt looking at her. Although he come across lots of girls every day in his profession where ever he goes or even at his office there are a few pretty girls but he felt something about her that made him look at her again and again.
It’s not always true that the girl every body else finds beautiful would appeal you too. It’s just that you have this particular attraction towards some peculiar features and only someone coming close to your likings would be the one who appeals you. People might be drooling over some girl because she might be very beautiful but you might wonder what the heck are they find in her that I could not or else why I don’t feel the same way too.
Well, it might be the same case with Gregory too, so subconsciously he tried to look at her. His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden entry of the manager. He got busy in discussing the deal with him as well as the probabilities and possibilities for enhancing the decorum of the place with minimal budget. Meanwhile he tried to look over the glass window of the chamber to the place where she was sitting.
As soon as his meeting was over he started to leave. He looked at her seat but she wasn’t there so he went on his way.
He had to meet this manager again for 3 to 4 times finalizing over various aspects and the finance required as well as the time span for the whole thing to be done smoothly with out hampering the day to day work at the office because the client was not at all in mood to make shift their office during this whole ordeal. All this time whenever he came to meet this manager, he used to look for that girl whom he saw on the first day he came here. He even felt that she has noticed him too because once he saw her staring right at him through her specs with a tinge of curiosity in her eyes.
Greg was a jolly guy; he’s just this funny guy who makes jokes around making the atmosphere light. People liked him for this because he knew to laugh at himself.
Days went by and the deal almost got finalized. Greg had number of visits by now and most of the time, if not every time, he stared at the girl and even managed to know her name – Suzanne Hernandez. She was this public relations officer at the clients.
So, finally the work at the clients had begun. Greg brought his team of experts who would work on the face lifting of the whole place. Greg went to the manager and briefed him about the men from his firm who would be working on the restructuring. Manager sent for their point of contact for the whole thing, for Suzanne, who would take care of the whole affair. She came in and the manager introduced Greg to Suzanne. Now, they started discussing about the possibilities and requirements for the whole thing. During the whole talking Greg felt something about her. He liked the way she spoke. She talked intelligently but not imposingly but rather suggestively. He had never seen a girl smart and polite at the same time. Almost all of the girls he ever came in contact with were either stupid girlish types or the smart proudly type. He was impressed by her and wished to talk to her more and go on listening to her but professionalism held his girdle. He never had any friendship as such with any girl though he had a lot acquaintance. For the first time he felt like having friend ship with a girl forgetting all those girl boy differences, some body that’s just like a friend but the only difference is that she’s a girl.
There are people who often restrain from having friend ship with girls. It’s just most of the circles brand these friendships as affairs and finally you either ends up loosing the friend ship or ruining a wonderful friend ship by wrongly interpreting it as love. World never accepts friend ship as such between a girl and a boy, it’s always something else, either it’s an affair or its just plain lust. Or you need to keep the whole friendship so low that it just ends up in casual hi byes. It’s always true that out of these friendships only potential love relations spring. But it takes some deep interpretation to actually brand it as love and that too it not though off, it’s just felt.
Well, that’s what the case with Greg too. He always ran from such awkwardness and hence ended up never having a girl friend. He believed in not to give false intentions or wrong messages. He never wanted anyone to get hurt neither himself get hurt.
So, the work began to start and Greg had to visit the place for suggesting ideas for innovations as well to inspect the quality of the work done. All this time Suzanne assisted his men for the entire requirement that they needed. Greg wished to talk to her and some times when the opportunity came he unfortunately got engaged in some other work and hence wasn’t able to cater time for her. But when ever Suzanne was around he had this special spark in his eyes, he felt himself coming back to life, his heart beating faster, and felt like a college kid. But he always concealed his emotions behind his humor and hence no body ever knew about it. He even felt that she liked his company and might be trying to get close to him or wanted to talk to him just like he do but things never seemed to work out. He also felt the same kind of spark in her eyes too. He consoled himself saying this all to be his illusion.
People always fail to see or rather compel themselves not to see things because of fear of loosing them. They are so insecure that even before any thing begins they compile or fear a sad ending of the whole thing and hence shut their minds retreat themselves into their own private safe haven where there won’t be any heart breaks.
Greg was raised up by his maternal uncle who was a widower since long and also had a son. His uncle was a good man, very God fearing and generous. Greg’s parents died when he was just 3 months old and ever since he is with this uncle. He brought him up like his father and Greg always respected him and valued him more than his life. One day he got a call from his uncle and asked him to come down to the suburb for he has seen nice girl for his marriage. He had this dreams about his marriage as he was getting old and wanted to see his children got settled down with family. He tried looking for his own son but nothing ever seemed to work out and he was very heartbroken. He felt the sentiments in his tone and how he was eager for this marriage. He had no choice but to comply with the request.
Greg now suddenly felt some awkwardness here. Although he went 3-4 times before for such a request but he never felt anything for that. Although he got rejected all the time but it would have never mattered if at all things would have worked out and he got married to any of the girl he saw. But this time he didn’t wanted to go. For the first time he felt he shouldn’t go. But he was not in a position to deny. So, we went ahead hoping for things to go well and this one would also pass. Greg was a religious man too. He believed that God has a plan for everybody and trusted in it. He also wished that God would listen to his unsaid prayers which he always compiled in his heart but never could possibly say because he felt them to be too silly to ask. He thought that these things are just too silly to ask to God as such rather he should be praying for things that are more important and the ones that would matter much in every body else’s life, of those who are associated with him or rather ask for things which are more important like career and sort. He thought even if he never says those things, God hears his thoughts and would feel for him.
Well, Greg went ahead with the journey. His uncle had seen this girl who was one of his parishioner’s daughters. He liked the girl very much; it’s not that she did some spell on him but for the simplicity and good nature of her. He took Greg to the girl’s house and introduced him to the girl’s family and the girl too. Greg didn’t ask much to her and neither did she ask much to him. She was beautiful, educated, well mannered and modest too. Finally when his uncle asked him about the girl he said he’s fine with the whole thing. He hoped the girl’s family might reject him as happened with all the others. He never wanted his uncle to get heartbroken by his denial. He actually never had any reasons to deny too. He was confused as to what to do that he left it all on God. He believed every thing to be worked out just fine in the end and his wishes would be granted. Fate has something else is mind, things rather turned out to be positive; the girls family accepted him and were ready for marriage. His uncle was happy like anything and Greg couldn’t break his heart anyways. So, both the families parted keeping the marriage date pending. They agreed to sort it out later and planned to get it done soon.
Greg now came back to his workplace with a heavy heart. He was confused why he felt this way. Was it because of the girl he met at his client? Don’t know. He kept faith and believed things to get sorted out by its own.
One day at the client’s, one of his men came and greeted him for it was his birthday. It so turned out that it was hers too, on the same day. He was delighted to hear this. She promptly came and greeted him. He felt overwhelming joy but it was short lived. As he was enjoying the happy moment of sharing the day with her, some body from his men updated her about the whole marriage affair. The very next moment she came to him and asked whether he’s getting married! She congratulated him and asked him who she was. Then she left the place. All his happiness vanished. He felt as if he saw anger and tears whelming in her eyes. He noticed how she avoided any eye contacts. He felt as if she wanted to scream at him saying him a cheater and yelling at him saying why did he ever looked at her that way, why did he compelled her to dream about him, why did he deceived her with his actions. He suddenly felt it now that why he didn’t wanted to go complying with his uncle’s wishes.
Things were never the same from that day. He realized that he actually started liking her. She made him feel comfortable. For the first time he saw somebody who was just like him in almost all the aspects. Or may be he liked her so much that he liked all her aspects. He dreaded over his fate but still hope was gleaming in some corner of his heart.
Now, things at home were turning out to be concrete gradually. He hoped for things to be worked out his way but doesn’t seem so happening.
Now, the carving to see her, to talk to her, to have at least a glimpse of her has become phenomenal. He used to go to the client’s just to see her. He tried to find occasions to talk to her. But it seemed like she has now started to keep herself distant from him. Before, she used to come to his place and knock at his desk and say hello but now he waited like hell for her to come and greet him but it seemed like he’s lost it all.
Now, the project had entered into more crucial stage where work started to extend from normal hours to late evenings and even on week ends. Greg thought of using this opportunity to get close to her, by visiting the work place on weekends. All the week days she would be crowded by so many peoples, who seemed to never let her alone. He would visit the site at week ends and when his colleagues would enquire about this, he would make up stuff like design plan updates and stuff. Although he did all these crazy things but he never let any body have the slightest idea about his intentions. No body ever doubted him, may be some odd fellows who would have seen him staring at her every now and then but even they never dared to ask him because Greg’s marriage news has spread already and Greg was never a woman monger. He might flirt but never ever run after women. And he had this philosophy of looking at a well groomed women whom he felt beautiful in any ways, may it be look wise or smartness or any thing else, because he thought it to be a compliment for them. When his friends used to ask about this stare, he would say that if some women dress up well or is pretty looking or have a look which he liked then he would obviously give her the compliments by looking at her with such a looks in his eyes that she could read his appreciation in his eyes.
Days went by, he never had any luck and then one week end, he saw her alone at her desk and there weren’t much people around. He walked up to her and started to talk to her. That was the best day he ever had with her. They talked for hours. She said a lot of things to her. She shared a lot with him like her past relationship, her family and her feelings about love and marriage. Even he also opened up and said about his feelings towards love and marriage. His heart was aching and he just wanted to yell it out how much he loved her but his consciousness didn’t allow him to do so. On one note he said to her how in a love relation, you need to have the guts to face things and how he lacked the same and hence never had any relationships.
That’s the key for a relationship. You should have the guts to yell out your feelings. But before that you should feel the real love. And once you are sure that the feeling that’s keeping you awake all night wondering what’s wrong with you, the feeling which says that you miss the presence of the other person, the feeling which stops your breath when you are with the other person, the feeling which is so strong but still do not give you the strength to say it, it’s the feeling of love, you should gather up all your guts and stop thinking about the rest of the world and should spit it out. Or else you’ll lose it for ever and life does not give a second chance, not to every one. Not every time one gets to have this feeling, cause when it is not from the heart, you won’t feel the ache of it but when it is from the heart you can feel the pain. When it is not from the heart, your mind would force you to yell it out because it would make you a lover that you saw in the movies but when it is from the heart, your mind would be confused and all your logics and instincts would suggest you not to venture into this and break the existing harmony you have with the other person because you might lose him or her if the other person do not feel the same way. You would look for reciprocal behaviors.
Greg wanted to say it, he also felt the same from her too, but the situation had really got complex and he did not wanted anybody to get hurt. He thought if he says it to her and she accepts it, then he would be breaking the trust and love of his uncle and would bring humiliation to his uncle, the last thing in his mind. If at all she never felt it his way, it would have never bothered him, because he knew, no matter what, his love was eternal. He would never be the same again. All those love he kept hidden in his heart since long, all those feelings and sentiments that he cherished in his heart since years which he kept for someone to whom he would give his hundred percent, has got diluted and he would never be able to give his true love to any one any more. He would always feel that he’s rather making it up rather than them automatically arousing deep from his heart. He left everything on fate and trusted in God to bail him out of this duality situation.
Now, days were getting close and he wished and wished more that things would change for him. He prayed that things would be right and nobody’s going to get hurt. Count down has started and he got restless more and more.
There were only days left now and he now started to see it losing. He felt the pain of losing it all. He burned like a flame that was dying, flickering more as it started to die out. He knew it’s all over and nothing’s going to change. He felt the sudden urge to defy everything and go after it but all his senses and logic pulled him back. He found no solace and so he started hurting himself. He became more silent and even stopped talking to his closed ones. He felt everything as a lie. He knew he would never be able to justify anything ever. He cursed the very situation that put him into this mess. He was emotionally deranged. He realized that no matter what his feelings are diluted now and nothings going to change that. He dreaded for it and wondered why. He tried pulling himself together but the very next moment his strength gave up and he cursed everything. He now knew that it’s destined to be this way and he should no more hope for anything. He no more cared for anything. He realized his dreams were his greatest sin. He found out the eleventh commandment “Thou shall not wish”.